The Big Fizz

by Dave Morehouse

"So, to summarize the equations on your handouts and the case I have been making for the last two hours - The multiverse is basically an immense bottle."

The audience of Theoretical Physicists did their best to stifle outright laughter. Even so, their exchanged smiles didn't go unnoticed by the aged presenter.

"I’ll try to keep this simple. Think of it as all universes and dimensions wrapped together in an elongated sphere with a hole at the tapered end."

A majority of the scientific community attended this session out of ancient respect for the professor. He had mentored most of them at one time or another in their academic careers. Dr. Millhouse, no one dared be familiar enough to use his first name, was among the brightest theorists ever; but that was a long time ago. A ghost of his former brilliance, the Doctor was slated to speak for 15 minutes but, instead, carried on enthusiastically for over two hours. The audience pretended to listen early on out of admiration but his equations and explanations kept getting crazier with each minute. The youngest among them, those who hadn't experienced his brilliance first-hand, became impatient.

"So professor, what would you say is the astounding result of your lecture this morning?" The young physicist made no effort to hide his sarcasm.

"For your sake, young man, I'll continue the simplified metaphor - the universes, as we know them will fizz out the top of the bottle and begin anew."

"Another Big Bang?" His incredulous shrugged shoulders and upraised arms twirled for the audience's benefit.

"No, more like a reordering and rendering of the layers of time and space. Anything can happen actually. The various universes will mix and match time periods and matter as the whole affair struggles to regain equilibrium. I can’t tell you what the end result will be like, but I suspect it will be very different."

"So, in what millennium will this all happen, Doctor?" The young scientist abandoned sarcasm and turned to full ridicule.

"Finally! A worthy question, young man. It will occur at 3:17 . . . exactly eleven minutes from now."

The emcee grabbed the opportunity to take back the stage and try to salvage what was left of the conference. Thank you, Doctor Millhouse, for your whimsical insights into the mysteries of the universe. That will close the morning session. Coffee, tea, and light snacks are in the lobby. We’ll start the next presentation after the break. Shall we say thirty minutes from now?

The lobby filled to capacity almost immediately. Colleagues busy shaking their heads; discussing the age-onset idiocy of Dr. Millhouse. Doddering old fool. Really it’s a shame. His theories were groundbreaking back in the day. What time is it? The pink three-legged hippo glanced at her watch and told the herd of nursing chickens it was 3:18…almost time for our hip exchanges.

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Dave Morehouse writes music, poetry, and short fiction. His most recent work has been published in Black Heart Magazine, Everyday Poets, Revolt Daily, Crack the Spine, Postcard Shorts and an inspirational book - Psalter for the 21st Century.  His short story, “Press Restart”, has been featured in the Writers’ Anarchy Anthology – “The End of the World as We Wrote It.” He is the editor for the online zine Postcard Poems and Prose. In spare moments he plays fiddle and concertina by Lake Superior in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.